Connection Above Perfection
Ina Garten has a motto about hosting— enjoy your own party!
For me, this often means letting go of the juggling act of cooking, baking, and cleaning the entire house. All of which, under pressure, can be highly stressful and anxious-inducing.
Instead, I ask myself, what is the intention of this gathering and zero in on that goal alone.
Aligning with intention sometimes means, as much as I love cooking and preparing meals for friends and family, I recognize my limitations.
It might mean cooking one dish and outsourcing the rest. It might look like asking friends to contribute side dishes, drinks or fruit to fill the table so I can clean my house instead of trying to “do it all”. It most definitely means pulling out paper plates and cups so we can all lavish in extra time chatting together instead of fussing over dishes and tidying up as guests depart.
For a summer book club I had the privilege to practice laying down the busy/chaos hosting can often inspire in me, in order to focus on the single intention of fellowship. As much as I enjoy hosting, I would have been much less attuned to my friends and our discussion of the books we read if my mind was on creating a spectacular menu and dusting the tea set. This particular gathering wasn’t about the food as much as it was about creating a comfortable enviornment to share hearts. It was not to put on airs or overwhelm folks with a perfectly curated table.
The wisdom to do less came through the voices of the men in my life and dear friends who love me when I’m swirling with flights of fancy. After hearing my extravagant menu ideas and plans for hosting summer book club, they held a mirror of truth:
“Why not just one item instead of four?”
“Why not go buy doughnuts instead of making them?”
“Paper plates are your friend!”
Apparently my people know how I get when I’m in Event Planner mode.
So, with much loving encouragement, I ceased my course of action and pivot.
For our first meeting, I picked up the phone and preordered two dozen donuts and a box of coffee from a shop in town.
And do you know what? The morning of our gathering was stress-free! Even a little too simple.
After picking up my order, I decant everything onto platters and set the table. Sausages roast in the oven while I dressed. Some of my friends brought more platters of snacks to fill in the gaps on the table. I had time to spare and it was glorious.
I hope this gives permission to do a little less when the time calls for it.
It is a gift to outsource, delegate and ask others for help setting your table. But most importantly, it is wonderful to be just as refreshed by the gatherings we host as the people we share them with.